Dirty Jokes in Hindi

Yoga

 

Yoga teacher – Bacchho batao main ek paon par kab aur kyun khadi hoti hun?

 

Intelligent answer by one student – Madam! nahaane ke baad panty pahnate samay.

 

———-

 

Aids

Ek bar ek sardar aur sardarni chicken meat lene chicken shop par jaate hai aur kasaai se rate puchte hai. Kasaai ek mota taza murga dikhata hai aur kahata hai – bahan ji iska rate 180 rupye kilo hai, kyonki ye desi murga hai.

Sardarni – nahi-nahi ye to bahut mahnga hai. Ek desre murge ki taraf ishara karke (jo ki kam mota hota hai), puchti hai – iska kya rate hai. Kasaai – bahan ji ye brailer hai iska rate 150/- kilo hai.

Sardarni ye bhi mahnga hai. Phir ek murge ki taraf ishara karke puchti hai, jo ki aur kam mota hai – iska kya rate hai. Kasaai – bahan ji iska rate hai to 80 rupye kilo magar aap ye murga mat lo isko AIDS ki bimaari hai.

Peechon Sardar ji bole – koi  gal ni, le le bhagwane, appa vi enu khana hi hai kerha edi bund maarni hai.

 

 

——–

Sariya

Ek bar ek lohe ki dukan par phone aaya.

Dukandar – hello kaun?

Phone wala –  sariya hai?

Dukandar – hai.

phonewala – to gaand me le le.

dukandar ko hairaani ke sath-sath bada gussa bhi aata hai ki ye kaun badtameez hai. Agle din phir se phone aata hai.

dukandar – hello kaun?

phonewala – sariya hai?

is bar dukandar savdhani se kaam leta hai aur kahta hai – nahi hai.

phonewala – kyun bhosdin ke, gaand me le liya kya?

Agle din phir phone aata hai.

Dukandar – Hello !

Phonewala – Hello Sariya hai?

Dukandar (aur bhi sawdhani se) – Hai bhi aur nahi bhi.

Phonewala – Kyun saale, Gaand me leke andar bahar kar raha hai kya?

Ab dukandar sochta hai ki is bande se badla liya jaye. wo wapis phone karta hai aur puchta hai – sariya hai?

phonewala – kyon be saale gaand me lega kya?

 

 

———-

Manmohan Singh

Taxi wala Manmohan singh ko phone pe bola – veer ji, ya to Petrol/Diesel sasta kar do ya sarson ka tel.

Ya to taxi chala ke ghra chala lenge ya gaand marwa ke.

 

———-

Zor

Failed student ke papa class teacher se – Madam! Thoda aap tight raho thoda main zor lagata hun. Bhagwan ne chaha to is saal baccha nikal hi jayega.

 

 

———-

 

Railway Reservation Form

Santa ne railway reservation form mein Ling ki jagah 6 inch likh diya.

Lady behind counter – Ye kya likha hai kato isko.

Santa – Kitna?

Lady – Pura.

Santa – Maan chudao saalo, main Bus se chala jaonga.

 

 

———-

Government Job

Ek Aadmi Government job ke liye interview dene gaya.

Interviewer – Aapki koi majboori to nahi?

Aadmi – Ji sir, main pahle fauz me tha aur jung ke dauraan meri taango ke bich ek bomb phata aur mere Tatte ud gaye.

Interviewer – OK, aap Monday se join kare. Hum sab 9 baje aa jate hai aap 11 baje tak aa jana.

Aadmi – aisa kyun?

Interviewer – Hum sab 11 baje tak kuch nahi karte bas Tatte khujate rahte hai.

 

 

———-

 

 

Pyar Kya Hai?

Ek bar ek prostitute/ gashti ki beti apni maan se puchti hai – Maan, ye pyaar kya hota hai?

Maan – kuch nahi hai beti, sab free me chodne ke bahaane hai.

 

 

———-

Birbal se Panga !!

Taansen ko sabhi jante hai,lekin ye nahi jante ki woh rani jodha bai ke mommo par bahut marta tha. Uski dilli tamanna thi ki woh ek baar rani ke mommo ko ji bhar ke chuse. Apni ye tamanna usne ek din Birbal ko bataai.

 

Birbal – agar main tujhe ye moka dila dun to?

 

Tansen – yaar jo mangega tujhe dunga. bas ek baar mera ye kaam kar de.

 

Birbal – To phir tu mujhe ye vaada kar ke main jo bhi mangunga tu mujhe dega.

 

Tansen – OK

 

Birbal usko apna plan btata hai jise sunkar Tansen ki aankhen khushi se khil jati hai. Plan ke mutabik Birbal ek khujli wala powder rani ki bra mein daal deta hai. Jab rani vo bra pahnati hai to use khujli shuru ho jati hai aur rukne ka naam nahi leti. Vo ye baat akbar ko btati hai. Akbar Birbal ko akele me bulakar usse ye baat btata hai aur kahta hai.

 

Akbar – Birbal, tum hi hame is khujli ka koi ilaz batao.

 

Birbal – Maharaj is tarah ki khujli sirf ek khas prakar ke laar se thik hoti hai aur vo laar Tansen ke munh me hai.

 

Akbar foran Tansen ko bulata hai aur kahta hai – Tansen aaj mugliya khandan ko tumhari sevao ki jarurat hai. Rani jodhabai ke mommo ki khujli sirf tumhare munh me paye jane wale laar se hi mit sakti hai. Isliye foran rani ke kaksh me jao aur apni laar se unke mommo ki khujli dur karo.

 

Tansen ki to jaise lottery nikal aayee. Woh foran rani ke room me jaata hai aur ji bhar ke uske momme chusta hai. Jab uska dil bhar jata hai to plan ke mutabik ek powder munh me daalkar phir thodi der chusta hai. Jisse uski khujli mit jati hai aur wo kamre se bahar nikal aata hai.

 

Baahar use Birbal milta hai aur kahta hai – Han to Tansen tumhara kaam ho gaya ab aa gayi mere Inaam ki baari.

 

Tansen saaf mukr jata hai – Kaun sa Inaam? Mujhe Kuch yaad nahi. Mera to kaam ho gaya.

 

Birbal – Bacchu mujse panga le ke bahut pachtayega.

 

Tansen – dekhenge.

 

Agle din Birbal wo khujli wala powder akbar ke underwear/ kacche me daal deta hai.

 

 

———–

 

Mujhe Mauka Do !!

 

Ek Ladki ka phone bajta hai.Tring…Tring…

Ladki – Hello !

Ladka – Hello, Chintu hai?

Ladki – nahi hai.

Ladka – Mujhe mauka do, ho jayega.

Source : Jokes in Hindi