Dirty Jokes in Hindi

Yoga

 

Yoga teacher – Bacchho batao main ek paon par kab aur kyun khadi hoti hun?

 

Intelligent answer by one student – Madam! nahaane ke baad panty pahnate samay.

 

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Aids

Ek bar ek sardar aur sardarni chicken meat lene chicken shop par jaate hai aur kasaai se rate puchte hai. Kasaai ek mota taza murga dikhata hai aur kahata hai – bahan ji iska rate 180 rupye kilo hai, kyonki ye desi murga hai.

Sardarni – nahi-nahi ye to bahut mahnga hai. Ek desre murge ki taraf ishara karke (jo ki kam mota hota hai), puchti hai – iska kya rate hai. Kasaai – bahan ji ye brailer hai iska rate 150/- kilo hai.

Sardarni ye bhi mahnga hai. Phir ek murge ki taraf ishara karke puchti hai, jo ki aur kam mota hai – iska kya rate hai. Kasaai – bahan ji iska rate hai to 80 rupye kilo magar aap ye murga mat lo isko AIDS ki bimaari hai.

Peechon Sardar ji bole – koi  gal ni, le le bhagwane, appa vi enu khana hi hai kerha edi bund maarni hai.

 

 

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Sariya

Ek bar ek lohe ki dukan par phone aaya.

Dukandar – hello kaun?

Phone wala –  sariya hai?

Dukandar – hai.

phonewala – to gaand me le le.

dukandar ko hairaani ke sath-sath bada gussa bhi aata hai ki ye kaun badtameez hai. Agle din phir se phone aata hai.

dukandar – hello kaun?

phonewala – sariya hai?

is bar dukandar savdhani se kaam leta hai aur kahta hai – nahi hai.

phonewala – kyun bhosdin ke, gaand me le liya kya?

Agle din phir phone aata hai.

Dukandar – Hello !

Phonewala – Hello Sariya hai?

Dukandar (aur bhi sawdhani se) – Hai bhi aur nahi bhi.

Phonewala – Kyun saale, Gaand me leke andar bahar kar raha hai kya?

Ab dukandar sochta hai ki is bande se badla liya jaye. wo wapis phone karta hai aur puchta hai – sariya hai?

phonewala – kyon be saale gaand me lega kya?

 

 

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Manmohan Singh

Taxi wala Manmohan singh ko phone pe bola – veer ji, ya to Petrol/Diesel sasta kar do ya sarson ka tel.

Ya to taxi chala ke ghra chala lenge ya gaand marwa ke.

 

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Zor

Failed student ke papa class teacher se – Madam! Thoda aap tight raho thoda main zor lagata hun. Bhagwan ne chaha to is saal baccha nikal hi jayega.

 

 

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Railway Reservation Form

Santa ne railway reservation form mein Ling ki jagah 6 inch likh diya.

Lady behind counter – Ye kya likha hai kato isko.

Santa – Kitna?

Lady – Pura.

Santa – Maan chudao saalo, main Bus se chala jaonga.

 

 

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Government Job

Ek Aadmi Government job ke liye interview dene gaya.

Interviewer – Aapki koi majboori to nahi?

Aadmi – Ji sir, main pahle fauz me tha aur jung ke dauraan meri taango ke bich ek bomb phata aur mere Tatte ud gaye.

Interviewer – OK, aap Monday se join kare. Hum sab 9 baje aa jate hai aap 11 baje tak aa jana.

Aadmi – aisa kyun?

Interviewer – Hum sab 11 baje tak kuch nahi karte bas Tatte khujate rahte hai.

 

 

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Pyar Kya Hai?

Ek bar ek prostitute/ gashti ki beti apni maan se puchti hai – Maan, ye pyaar kya hota hai?

Maan – kuch nahi hai beti, sab free me chodne ke bahaane hai.

 

 

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Birbal se Panga !!

Taansen ko sabhi jante hai,lekin ye nahi jante ki woh rani jodha bai ke mommo par bahut marta tha. Uski dilli tamanna thi ki woh ek baar rani ke mommo ko ji bhar ke chuse. Apni ye tamanna usne ek din Birbal ko bataai.

 

Birbal – agar main tujhe ye moka dila dun to?

 

Tansen – yaar jo mangega tujhe dunga. bas ek baar mera ye kaam kar de.

 

Birbal – To phir tu mujhe ye vaada kar ke main jo bhi mangunga tu mujhe dega.

 

Tansen – OK

 

Birbal usko apna plan btata hai jise sunkar Tansen ki aankhen khushi se khil jati hai. Plan ke mutabik Birbal ek khujli wala powder rani ki bra mein daal deta hai. Jab rani vo bra pahnati hai to use khujli shuru ho jati hai aur rukne ka naam nahi leti. Vo ye baat akbar ko btati hai. Akbar Birbal ko akele me bulakar usse ye baat btata hai aur kahta hai.

 

Akbar – Birbal, tum hi hame is khujli ka koi ilaz batao.

 

Birbal – Maharaj is tarah ki khujli sirf ek khas prakar ke laar se thik hoti hai aur vo laar Tansen ke munh me hai.

 

Akbar foran Tansen ko bulata hai aur kahta hai – Tansen aaj mugliya khandan ko tumhari sevao ki jarurat hai. Rani jodhabai ke mommo ki khujli sirf tumhare munh me paye jane wale laar se hi mit sakti hai. Isliye foran rani ke kaksh me jao aur apni laar se unke mommo ki khujli dur karo.

 

Tansen ki to jaise lottery nikal aayee. Woh foran rani ke room me jaata hai aur ji bhar ke uske momme chusta hai. Jab uska dil bhar jata hai to plan ke mutabik ek powder munh me daalkar phir thodi der chusta hai. Jisse uski khujli mit jati hai aur wo kamre se bahar nikal aata hai.

 

Baahar use Birbal milta hai aur kahta hai – Han to Tansen tumhara kaam ho gaya ab aa gayi mere Inaam ki baari.

 

Tansen saaf mukr jata hai – Kaun sa Inaam? Mujhe Kuch yaad nahi. Mera to kaam ho gaya.

 

Birbal – Bacchu mujse panga le ke bahut pachtayega.

 

Tansen – dekhenge.

 

Agle din Birbal wo khujli wala powder akbar ke underwear/ kacche me daal deta hai.

 

 

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Mujhe Mauka Do !!

 

Ek Ladki ka phone bajta hai.Tring…Tring…

Ladki – Hello !

Ladka – Hello, Chintu hai?

Ladki – nahi hai.

Ladka – Mujhe mauka do, ho jayega.

Source : Jokes in Hindi

English Short Jokes

Boss: Where were you born?

Sardar: India ..

Boss: which part?

Sardar: What ‘which part’? Whole body was born in India .

 

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2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.

Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb

explodes while fixing.

Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

 

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Sardar: What is the name of your car?

Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with ‘T’.

Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

 

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Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

 

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At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Sardar: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

 

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Sardar: U cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is ‘All India Radio! ‘

 

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NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:

In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. …..

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

 

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Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Sardar: An old king’s skeleton.

Tourist: Who’s that smaller skeleton next to it?

Sardar: That was same king’s skeleton when he was a child.

 

 

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Source : Jokes

Yamraj Non Veg Hindi Jokes 2015

Yamraj: Tumne Punya or Paap dono kiye hai…. Is liye Swarg me NaraK milegA…

AAdmi: Vo kaiSe??

Yamraj: Roj Raat Ko 2 Glass Daru & 1 Ladki milegi

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Glaas me ched Hoga, Par ladki me nhi….

Mstikhor bchha

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Girl: Meri BRA Ka Kiya Size Hain..?

.

Boy: 32..

.

Girl: Kaise.?

.

Boy: Kal Toh Kholi Thi..

.

Girl: Magar Meri Bra Par Number Nahi

Hain..

.

Boy: Toh Kiya Hua.. Civil

Engineer Hun Plot

Dekh Kar Area Bata Sakta

 

Hoon..!

Source : Jokes in Hindi

Daily Jokes

Politically Correct Descriptions Of Women

 

  1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK – She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
  2. She is not a SCREAMER or a MOANER – She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
  3. She is not EASY – She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
  4. She is not DUMB – She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
  5. She has not BEEN AROUND – She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
  6. She is not an AIR HEAD – She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
  7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY – She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
  8. She is not HORNY – She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
  9. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS – She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
  10. She is not a SLUT – she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

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Football Player Joke

Coach Bowden was talking to the newest player on the team. “It’s fantastic the way you strike the line, dodge, tackle and weave through your opponents.”

 

Luke was a shy fellow, but blurted out, “I suppose it all comes from early training, sir. You see, my mom used to take me shopping with her on sale days.”

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Limerick

There once was a fellow named Trete,

Who from birth was inclined to be neat.

He became extra fussy

When he thought his pants mussy,

And would throw them away in the street.

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Mae West Quote

“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.”

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Blonde Swimming Joke

A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.

 

The brunette came in first and the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.

 

After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: “I don’t want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms.”

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Lawyer Joke

A very very rich gentleman dies,leaving his fortune to his only living friends, a Doctor, a CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, his will stipulated that each one must place their third of the money in his coffin before he is put in his final resting place.

 

The funeral comes and goes. Over a year later the three friends are talking over lunch and the topic of the old man and his strange ways comes into the conversation.

 

The Doctor finally says “I have to be honest, I didn’t place ALL of the money into his coffin, I kept five million”.

 

Then the CEO states “Well, I have to admit that I too kept some of the cash. Ten million to be exact”.

 

The Lawyer glares at the two and says “I am ASHAMED of you two, I wrote a check for the FULL amount!”

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Source :  Jokes

TOP 100 HINDI JOKES 2013 (NEW)

TOP 100 Funny Images 2013 (New*)

  1. b bhai behen bichadne ka kya hua anjaam ??

Dnt say wah wah Plz feel the pain … (o_O )

bhai behen bichadne ka kya hua anjam ??

MUNNA bana MBBS aur MUNNI hui badnaam..

 

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2.An old Indian women slips on ice

an falls..

She cries.. “Hai meri kismat”..

A gora walks past and says..

“Hi merry christmas to u Too”.X_X

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  1. Sardar picnic par gaye whan ja kar yaad aaya ke pepsi to ghar bhul gaye.

Decide kia ke sab se chhota sardar ja kar Pepsi le aaye,

Sardar: Main is shart par jata hu ke tum mere ane tak smose nahi khaoge.

Dono ne kaha thik hai.

1 din guzar gaya sardar nahi aaya.

2 din guzar gaye.

Dono ne socha ke ab samose kha lene chahiye.

Jaise hi smosa uthaya chota sardar ped ke peechhe se nikal k bola. “AISE KAROGE TO MAIN NAHI JAAUNGA”

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  1. Pappu’s Atittude In Exams.

 

They Give Me Questions Which I Don’t Know.

 

So………………

 

I Give Them Answers Which They Don’t Know.

 

Why???

 

“Tit For Tat“

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  1. Santa: Yaar answer sheet par sabse pehle kya likhu?

Banta: Yehi ki is answer sheet par likhe gaye sabhi answers kalpnik hain jinka kisi bhi book se koi smbandh nahi hai.

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  1. Teacher : Google is a girl or a boy..?

..

..

..

Student: Google is a Girl…..because it won’t let you complete

the whole sentence and start guessing, suggesting…..and

you ask only one question…..

but get hundreds of irrelevant answers in seconds…

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  1. A muslim girl wearing a burka was going on the road.

 

The boy going just behind the girl said,”Rafta Rafta dekho aankh jisse ladhi hain.”

 

Girl Replied,”Aankh Jisse ladhi, tere baap se bhi badhi hain

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  1. Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!

 

Banta: Oh! That’s terrible.

 

Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions.

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  1. A boy said

I Love U to a girl

Bt

Girl replied

Sorry i lv someone else

 

The boy in sad mood looked

at d girl & said

 

“Batau tere baap ko?” 😉 😀

Source : Jokes in Hindi

Broken Heart SMS in Love Shayri SMS

Zaroori toh nahi jo khushi de usi se

pyar ho..

Kyunki.. Sacchi Mohabbat toh

aksar dil todne wale se hi hoti hai…!!

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Kaise Gujharti hai Meri Har Ek Shaam Tere Bagair,

Agar Tu Dekhle To Kabhi Tanhaa Na Chhodtey Mujhe..!

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Gum ki mujh par kuch aisi najar ho gayi

Jab bhi hum hase ye aankhe nam ho gayi

Hum roye bhi toh wo jaan naa sake…aur

Wo udas b huye to hume khabar ho gayi.

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“Kitne DUR Nikal Gaye

RISHTE Nibhate Nibhate…

KHUD Ko KHO Diya Humne

APNO Ko Pate Pate…

LOG Kehte Hain Hum MUSKRATE Bahut Hain…

Aur Hum THAK Gaye

DARD chhupate chhupate…!”

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Tere pyar mein khudko aisa khoya Na Din Mein Soya Na Raat mein Roya … Ab To unki Ruswai se bhi Pyar hai hume,,, Bas khuda se Milne ka Intejaar hai hume Rote Rote Unki Bewafaai hassa jati hai…

Ae khuda tu baata Itna Dard kyu hai jab Unki yaad aati hai…

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Milna tha ittefaq bicharna naseeb tha,,,,

 

wo itne dur ho gaya jitne qareeb tha:,(:,(:,(:,(:,(

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Nahi tum sy koi shikayat Bas itni si Iltija hay

 

Jo Haal kar gay ho khabhi aa ky dekh jana.. frown.png

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Tujhe Haq Diya Hai Maine Dillagi Ka..

Aye Sanam

Tu Mere Dilse Khel Jab Tak Tera Dil Behal Na Jaye..!

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Jane Kya Soch Ke

Lehrein Sahil Se Takrati

Hain;

Aur Phir Se Vapis Laut

Jati Hain;

Samaj Nahi Ata Ke Woh

Kinaro Se Bewafai Karti

Hain;

Ya Phir Laut Ke

Samandar Se Wafa

Nibhati Hain!

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Suna Hai Wo Jate Hue Keh Gay Eke Ab To Hum Sirf Tumare Khabo Me Ayenge,

 

Koi Keh De Unse Ke Wo Wada Kar Lee,

Hum Jindagi Bhar Ke Liye So Jayenge…

Source : Jokes in Hindi